Today was one of those days, until I had a cup of this amazingly wonderful double-dark-chocolate gelato.
And now, I probably wouldn't be opposed to not ripping my face off.
It's like the gelato is saying, "hey, everyone around you might suck, but you might marry a chocolateer!"
It makes me so happy, I could hug a bear....
...but I probably won't.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
I've been told that my internet self is basically the same as my real self.
I'm glad I'm this awesome.
Just sayin'
Just sayin'
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday is Khaki Day.
Khaki: the neutralist of all the neutrals; to me, khaki says, "Hey, I have no real opinions on anything! I'm basically Miss America, but too fat."
Khaki is the girl in my English class that thinks Global Warming is a myth, because Glenn Beck told her so. Khaki is white bread with no butter. Khaki can't tell you her opinion about the economy, but she will tell you about how she loves Apple Pie, and America, for that matter. Khaki isn't even a color, it's a lifestyle.
Today, I am Khaki, because I'm a Girl Scout, and it's part of the uniform.
Khaki is the girl in my English class that thinks Global Warming is a myth, because Glenn Beck told her so. Khaki is white bread with no butter. Khaki can't tell you her opinion about the economy, but she will tell you about how she loves Apple Pie, and America, for that matter. Khaki isn't even a color, it's a lifestyle.
Today, I am Khaki, because I'm a Girl Scout, and it's part of the uniform.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
A Unicorn Story.
Once upon a time there was a Unicorn named Neilse who lived in Sweden, where (as I'm sure you all know) all Unicorns come from. His golden mane danced in the wind, and all of the lady Unicorns wanted to have his foals, but Neilse was not interested in making foals with these lovely lady Unicorns, because the sordid truth was that Neise did, and always had, wanted to be a human.
I think it's about time to let you in on a little secret: there are no humans from Sweden. Any Swedish person you may have met in your life is really an exilled Unicorn wearing a shameful human suit. The issue is, these suits aren't meant to be permanent, they're meant to give their fellow Unicorns a scare by showing them how beastly and mundane life as a human is, but some Unicorns find that they actually enjoy being human.
For most of his young life, Neilse controlled his urges to live with the barbarian humans, satiating himself with banned sit-coms and magazines. This, however, could not keep into his adult years, after he finished school and most of his friends had already settled down with a nice mare and started making foals. Once he heard the whispers around him, he knew he had to act fast; he quickly married a beautiful, and inordinately stpuid mare, but still held off on making foals.
A few months into their marrige, Neilse begain to lose control; his wife had begun to wonder why an upstanding stallion such as Neilse would want to hold off on having foals for so long. His troubles finally came to a pinnicle when she found his human magazines, and he was forced to explain his facination with humans. Needless to say, she was horrified and disgusted; she went back to live with her parents, and Neilse was left to bear the scandal alone.
After many months of isolation, Neilse began to lose hair in odd places, within a week his whole underbelly was bald. Another week, and his whole body was nearly bald, save the top of his head, some near his muzzle, and a few other choice places. His bristly skin became smooth and blotchy; he also found that he was losing weight rapidly, and his forelegs were shortening. After a month of agonizing transformation, Neilse was human.
Under cover of night, Neilse slipped out of his house, and travelled several nights thereafter before finally reaching Norway, where he slowly worked up enough money for a plane ticket to California. He earned a decent wage in California, working for Ikea, married an American human named Mary-Sue and fathered a few children. By the time he reached old age, he had saved a considerable amount of money, and planned a journey around the world with his wife.
Alas, when the time came, his wife became too weak to make the voyage, but she insisted that Neilse should make the trip alone. Initially Neilse refused, but after many arguements, he found himself on a plane to Switzerland. Upon landing, Neilse boarded a train to Bern, Switzerland, which (as I'm sure my well-travelled readers know) is famous for bears, who, upon smelling the reminants of a Unicorn (their favorite snack) promptly devoured him upon his arrival.
I think it's about time to let you in on a little secret: there are no humans from Sweden. Any Swedish person you may have met in your life is really an exilled Unicorn wearing a shameful human suit. The issue is, these suits aren't meant to be permanent, they're meant to give their fellow Unicorns a scare by showing them how beastly and mundane life as a human is, but some Unicorns find that they actually enjoy being human.
For most of his young life, Neilse controlled his urges to live with the barbarian humans, satiating himself with banned sit-coms and magazines. This, however, could not keep into his adult years, after he finished school and most of his friends had already settled down with a nice mare and started making foals. Once he heard the whispers around him, he knew he had to act fast; he quickly married a beautiful, and inordinately stpuid mare, but still held off on making foals.
A few months into their marrige, Neilse begain to lose control; his wife had begun to wonder why an upstanding stallion such as Neilse would want to hold off on having foals for so long. His troubles finally came to a pinnicle when she found his human magazines, and he was forced to explain his facination with humans. Needless to say, she was horrified and disgusted; she went back to live with her parents, and Neilse was left to bear the scandal alone.
After many months of isolation, Neilse began to lose hair in odd places, within a week his whole underbelly was bald. Another week, and his whole body was nearly bald, save the top of his head, some near his muzzle, and a few other choice places. His bristly skin became smooth and blotchy; he also found that he was losing weight rapidly, and his forelegs were shortening. After a month of agonizing transformation, Neilse was human.
Under cover of night, Neilse slipped out of his house, and travelled several nights thereafter before finally reaching Norway, where he slowly worked up enough money for a plane ticket to California. He earned a decent wage in California, working for Ikea, married an American human named Mary-Sue and fathered a few children. By the time he reached old age, he had saved a considerable amount of money, and planned a journey around the world with his wife.
Alas, when the time came, his wife became too weak to make the voyage, but she insisted that Neilse should make the trip alone. Initially Neilse refused, but after many arguements, he found himself on a plane to Switzerland. Upon landing, Neilse boarded a train to Bern, Switzerland, which (as I'm sure my well-travelled readers know) is famous for bears, who, upon smelling the reminants of a Unicorn (their favorite snack) promptly devoured him upon his arrival.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Breif and Exciting Adventures of Chloe and Johnathan (Edit: Chloe is an awful person)
The other day (two Thursdays ago, to be specific) my good buddy Johnathan and I went for a hike up in Cucamonga Canyon. As you may remember (assuming you all live in Southern California, and do not have amnesia) the week preceeding our adventure was quite dreary, but I woke up that morning with high hopes.
So I got up at 7-something on Thursday, got dressed, ate some breakfast, and waited for Johnathan to treck the mighty 200 feet or so to my front door.
I was supposed to write a story about the awesome adventure my buddy Johnathan and I had a couple weeks ago, but I'm a terrible person and only wrote like three sentences before quitting. Basically, we went up into Cucamonga Canyon for a nice hike, but the river was super deep and wide from all the excess rain, so we didn't get very far in, and we (re: Johnathan) spent a good portion of the day building a bridge across the water, with the eventual help of a couple young men filming a "documentary" and a friendly asian family.
Had I actually written the story, it probably would've had some nice imagery, and at least seven synonyms for "majestic"; so maybe it's a good thing it never really happened. On the down side, I have probably lost any credibility I had, which is a pretty terrible thing to lose if you think about it (I suppose that's why I included the chunk at the beginning, to show that my intentions were good, I just wasn't very interested). So Johnathan, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. But (to rebuild my credibility) I'll write you a story about a unicorn. Well, I can't guarantee it will be about a unicorn, but there will at least be a unicorn in it.
Love Chloe :)
So I got up at 7-something on Thursday, got dressed, ate some breakfast, and waited for Johnathan to treck the mighty 200 feet or so to my front door.
I was supposed to write a story about the awesome adventure my buddy Johnathan and I had a couple weeks ago, but I'm a terrible person and only wrote like three sentences before quitting. Basically, we went up into Cucamonga Canyon for a nice hike, but the river was super deep and wide from all the excess rain, so we didn't get very far in, and we (re: Johnathan) spent a good portion of the day building a bridge across the water, with the eventual help of a couple young men filming a "documentary" and a friendly asian family.
Had I actually written the story, it probably would've had some nice imagery, and at least seven synonyms for "majestic"; so maybe it's a good thing it never really happened. On the down side, I have probably lost any credibility I had, which is a pretty terrible thing to lose if you think about it (I suppose that's why I included the chunk at the beginning, to show that my intentions were good, I just wasn't very interested). So Johnathan, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. But (to rebuild my credibility) I'll write you a story about a unicorn. Well, I can't guarantee it will be about a unicorn, but there will at least be a unicorn in it.
Love Chloe :)
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